Should the worst happen, it’s important to know how to react and what to do; doing the wrong thing will only push your partner away further and ruin any chance of you two fixing the problem and solving the issue, whatever that may be.
The First Thing….Why?
The first thing you need to find out is why they want a divorce. This is step number one, and the most fundamental thing. Don’t start reeling off assumptions of what you think it is:
“I knew there was something going on with your colleague, Barry! I’ll kill him!”
“You don’t find me attractive anymore do you?”
“I promise we won’t fight as much!”
Assuming you know, and pleading like the above won’t help. It’s been tried before and certainly hasn’t worked. You’re not trying to come from a place of power, but pleading or being aggressive and making assumptions will drive your partner away.
Instead, sit down and ask them why. Try and seriously understand how they feel and why they feel the way they do. There will be one or maybe several core reasons why they’re considering a divorce. Try and get them to open up and tell you what these are.
As you’re listening, don’t cut in or interrupt them; just sit quietly, pay attention to what they’re saying, and really take it in. This is your marriage you’re trying to save; the partner you love isn’t happy, so pay attention and really grasp the issues they’re having.
So, don’t assume; ask them.
If you do want to know more about saving your marriage read this Save The Marriage Review by Dr. Lee H. Baucom. This ebook can help you even if your spouse has no interest whatsoever to make your marriage happy again.
Some things you DO want to do
Firstly, tell them divorce isn’t something you want. Sure, it’s their decision and they want to leave or are considering it. But tell them you don’t want to take the easy way out. You want to stick and work at it.
Tell them you care about them; you care about your relationship a great deal, and more importantly, you care about the both of you being happy. That’s really important; it’s not about just you being happy or even your partner just being happy. A marriage will never be successful if one of you is suffering or letting the other do things that you’re not happy with.
Tell them you don’t want your old marriage, that’s not what you’re trying to save. Tell them that you want a new marriage where the both of you are happy, a marriage you can both treasure together.
The Worst Thing You Can Do
Do you want to know what the biggest deal-sealer is? The thing that you may do that’ll seal your fate and secure the divorce. We’ve already briefly mentioned it.
It’s your reaction to your partner’s wishes to divorce. If you start throwing a tantrum or getting aggressive, or even start begging and pleading for them to stay, you’ve given them all the final evidence they need to make that final decision to leave.
React negatively and you only reinforce their decision. Avoid negative reactions at all cost. Instead, stay calm and be constructive. Build something and find a solution to the problem rather than tearing your relationship down further.
Finally, have some patience. This isn’t going to be fixed overnight. If you decide to stay together, it’s going to take hard work and commitment to creating something better between you both. Stay patient and above all, stay positive.
Again, if you become bitter and upset you’re only giving them a solid reason to leave and finish the marriage. Stay positive and work together to save your marriage.
With a commitment from both sides and a positive attitude, you can save your marriage and avoid getting divorced. Best of luck!